Etikettarkiv: men

The disgusting male sexuality

The male sexuality is, to say the least, very well talked about. It is displayed and seen everywhere, often in an heterosexual kontext where the female sexuality is part of the background on the men’s terms. This is often viewed as an privilege amongst feminists, men are allowed to talk about their sexuality while women can not. They can have sex how ever they want it and when ever they want it (but not with everyone they want). They (the men) can more or less command sex and take what they like. I dont agree with the analysis that this is a privilige for men, the standard view on male sexuality is negative and harms men and in the end women and it inflicts on how we view non heterosexual sexuality.

The male sexuality is portrayed in movies, media, books and the everyday speach a lot. The problem is not that we talk about it but how it is talked about. There are two roads the discussion can go down, and over it all lays ”control” and ”always wanting sex” as a wet blanket, and now and then these two roads meet.
Road 1: The male sexuality is something to laugh about. The men often get to be portrayed as pathetic slaves under their own sexuality. This view is in almost every kind of comedy film Hollywood has created. From American pie and Superbad to Get him to the greek and All about Mary.
Road 2: As disgusting, as something that is suppose to make us feel a tiny bit uncomfortable or disgusted. This is usually made by portraying men as predators and the ones doing sexual crimes in some way. It can also be crossed with the ”humourus” part and seen as discusting but still something to laugh about.

A lot of the invectives used to degrade men and their sexuality alludes on how men don’t have the controll over sex. ”Pussy whipped” is an expression that means that a man is caring ”too much” about his partner and that the reason for it is sex. The man is supposed to have the sexual control, its the most important part, and it also affect how non heterosexual relations is viewed. How many living in a homosexual relationship has gotten the question who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship, for example? A question that is build on the thought that someone must be the ”man” and have the sexual control and that the other has to be the ”woman” and be dominated.

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Male sexuality control is often given an violent touch. In movies, and also in porn, the male dominance via BDSM is seen as a norm. To physically hold a woman down, keep her controlled, pull her hair violently and so on to show dominance is just how sex is ”supposed” to be. If a man doesn’t like that kind of sex at all he is called a whimp and dork. Men is supposed to always wanting sex, to always be in and wanting control. If he of some reason don’t want sex and are not in control it is seen as a failure, and even if he gets raped it’s not seen as a crime, but as him not living up to the masculine standard. Take the movie ”Get him to the Greek” that i mentioned before. In the movie the main character gets raped by a girl during a party. But it’s not a scene where the viewer is made to feel sorry or emphaty with the victim, instead it’s made for the audience to laugh at the situation. We are not supposed to feel sorry for a man geting raped, we are supposed to laugh at the pathetic man that can’t control the situation and that don’t want sex with the girl since he has another girlfriend.

When male sexuality is portrayed as disgusting, dangerous or something to laugh about it is ofcourse affecting the way we see female sexuality. Women should be everything men are thought of not to be. Wich means they should be calm, level-headed and most important having their sexuality in control. Beause the male sexuality in the ground is seen as disgusting women should not want to have sex with a man. Instead men are supposed to ”hunt” for sex with a woman and then get the oportunity to boast about how they made it. The whole talk about how men ”conquer” women comes from the myth that good women don’t want to have sex with men but that they do it for the man if he acts the right way. A Swedish politician symbolizes this well when he talkes about feminism and women who have an active sexlife.

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The caption goes: ”The ”female liberation” of today (The whoreification) is an abomination in mother earth’s eyes. It is only aiming to legitimizing a whore behaviour where women drinks liquor like men, whore around like men and god forbids can kill little babies because it’s ”the wrong time right now” etc. Those bitches deservs to have been aborted them selves”

To be a woman and act ”like a man” is disgusting and an abomination. How can it be? Because of the opinion that men have a disgusting sexuality. We get to learn from childhood that females have a sexuality that is a secret, something beautiful that has to be kept secured. Boys on the other hand get to learn that their sexuality is something they can’t control, that it is disgusting but it’s nothing to do about it. They get to learn that their female classmates has to adapt to them, dress not to provoce them and that they (the girls) have to ”be careful” around the boys because the boys sexuality is dangerous and agressive and the girls sexuality is worth protecting.

The same opinions comes again when boys at the age of 14-15-16 who have sex with 15-20 year older women is seen as heroes. That their sexuality should be protected and allowed to slowly evolve with someone of the same age is nothing anyone seem to care about. A girl in the age of 14-16 who have sex with a guy thats 30+ is not seen as a heroine, but as someone in need of help that is abused by an older creep. Because no matter what age the boy is in it’s part of his sexuality to always be in control with power and never being able to be the victim of abuse in sexual situations.

All of this is as society is asking for rapes to happen. If men are learned that heir sexuality don’t deserve respect, how are they supposed to respect others? If they get to learn that sex is something they have to nag to get, how are they supposed to easily know when they pass the line and the sex is an violation even if the girl says yes? But most of all, how are men supposed to respect women who are sexually liberated just as they are if they at the same time think that being sexually free is also to be disgusting and dangerous? It can’t work and that’s why we see a lot of slut shaming and the opinion that a woman that have had a lot of sex with different guys can’t get raped. Because with ”male labled sexuality” the position to be able to be a victim disapears. The fact is that there’s even cases where men who have raped feels that they made the victim a favour. Those men think that since their sexuality is so disgusting (and that they as a whole is disgusting) theres no way for a woman to have a good sexual relationship with them. So by raping her the men feel they have ”protected” her sexuality since she can say that it was not consensual.

What we need is of course that the female sexuality can be shown more in society, but also to not talk less about male sexuality but to talk about it in a better way. We need to talk more about relationships and respect as a whole. We need to see men being lifted as beutiful, soft and sensual in their sexuality. Something that today gets labled as ”gay” directly since only men are thought to be able to enjoy the male body. My point with this text is that if we want men to respect their own sexuality, female sexuality or any kind of sexuality, we can not go on and teach them to feel self loathing becaus of their sexuality. We must therfore start with the men’s self confidence about sex and sexuality before we can expect them to change the view on female sexuality.

I want to end this text by showing a picture by the artist David Kawena. A person who succeedes with showing men as both soft, sensual and powerful at the same time. Male bodys and sexuality has to be portrayed like this more often. Men also deserves to be desired.

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We live in a rape culture

Im starting the new year writing a lot about sexual crimes, some may find it a bit annoying but hey, deal with it! This is a subject we can never discuss to much. And its also good to write about this when so many men for once care about the safety of women. Even if most of them only seem to care about blaming others its still a start and we do have to start somewhere…

Something most of us women are fully aware of byt men try to deny is the fact that we live in a rape culture. That almost every man if asked directly will dissociate himself from any kind of rape or sexual assault is pointed out as an evidence that rape is in no way accepted and that a rape culture does not excist. If we do accept this way of argueing I feel that i have to point out that no rape culture excist in countries like India, Afghanistan, Eritrea, Sudan etc either. Because even in those countries rape is viewd as a despicable thing and in some of this countires rape is punished with a lifetime in prison or public flogging. The thing about a rape cultur is not the societeys theoretical view on rape but how they treat those who report that they have been raped, and in what is actually seen as a rapecase.

It is to no help at all to hate rape, and in the meantime have the opinion that women who acts is certain ways, dress in certain ways or have the ”wrong” people around them cant be raped and only gets what they deserv. Another problem is the opinion that rape cant be performed in a romantic relationship. The opinions that women have their selfe to blame if they are raped becaus of how they acted earlier during the day/night, or because of their clothes are something thats deeply embedded in the Swedish and western culture. It can be seen in the way people react to reported rapes, in jokes and of course in how the courts reason when they choose not to sentence a man for rape even when all evidence show that they should.

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The comments read, from the top: 1. Its not rape if you are sleeping since you dont fight back and are considered willing to have sex. Stop the whining. 2. Its a ”Suprise Buttsex” so its not rape since te person didnt say yas or no. 3. BTDT, If you have been a couple for a while its common that it is ok to ”hit it” while the other is asleep, ye know, as long as you tell why its leaking out the ass in the morning. 4. Why cant all biter pussys and womens rights activists shut up and start maturbate to Mona Sahlin (Swedish feminist) instead?! This is love on a high lever cant you tell? 5. If she is lying half naked beside him, how in hell can it be rape then? 6. Lets say this was a real event and not a cartoon picture, if the girl did wanted to be wakened this way its not rape right? So to call this a rape only shows how damn stupid you are.

What do you tink, will these normal swedish guys get where the line for rape goes in a relationship if they think that kind of behaviour is all right? If they believe that someone who has fallen asleep beside them automatically have given concent to sex? No, i think not. This is not a unusal way to look at sex in a relationship and that women have some kind of duty to have sex for the ”better good of the relationship” is an opinion that is widely spread. Sex against someones will is always rape, yet professionals in the health care system still give women the advice to suck it up and have sex even if they dont want to so that their partner can get what he wants.

If we look at how courts get to give a verdict of not guilty its almost magical in the ways the courts bend over backwards to fins a way to free a man from rape. Even if the woman have said no, yelled so much she lost her voice about how she dont want to have sex or repeatedly trying to get away from the situation the court can still find a way to deem the guy not guilty. Offen with explanations about how the guy didnt understand the no, thought it was a game or part of BDSM or whats in Sweden is called ”nagging sex”, not rape. The pictures shows some eamples of headlines from articles about rape cases.

First one reads: ”13 year old should have made more recistance”- 16 year old get free from rape accusation after having forced a 13 year old girl to have anal sex. She did want to have sex, just not anal sex and therefor should have been able to make the boy stop…

Second one: 16 year old freed from accusations of rape. The girl got shot by a soft airgun and forced to have sex. ”They where all in on the game” the court explains…

Third: ”He thought No meant Yes. Sentenced not guilty of rape”

Last one: ”The girl tried to out on her clothes and get away. ”She might have said no but that doesnt mean its rape” says the judge. ”The sex might have been against her will but if they didnt put her in a helpless state its not rape”

 

Nice isnt it? This is a big part of the rape culture. The last part is the attitude towards the victims. Something that is everyday life when it comes to rape in Sweden is to blame the victim. In this we also have things like ”well meaning” advice from the police to women to not drink, think about what they weare or not even go alone by taxi in the night. In the same time no advice is given to men in how not to rape…. In the summer a lot of rapes is blamed on the alcohol consumtion on festivals and bars. Women are frequently asked to think about how much they drink and to not end up as the only girl at an afterparty. No one tells te men to lessen te risk of rape by take it easy on the alcohol and not end up at an afterparty whit a lonely girl. No one tells the guys what to do because in a rape culture the women are expected to take responsibility for the mens sexuality. It offen get explained by the fact that it is the girl who get hurt so its in her interest to not get raped, like men dont have an interest in not hurting another human being….

That rape is viewed upon witch such discust is paradoxically abog part to why the rape culture excist. For once the view of rape as the most horrific crime makes it a valid treath towars women and a perfect way to punish someone or show power but putting them thru ”the worst crime”. The threath of sexual violence is something all women have had to learn to deal with in the everyday life, and it starts by learning as a kid that being raped is the worst thing that can happen and that we have to be aware of the risks. Second the view of rape as even worse than murder makes it mor or less impossible for anyone to admit that someone they know and love can be a rapist, or that themself have raped someone. Its so much easier to blame the victim than to accept that a friend, brother, lover or anyone else in their surroundings has commitet the wors crime. Because of that the myth about women accusing innocent guys of rape is spread everywhere. On a right wunged extremist site they claimed that a anonymous police had said that 8 out of 10 rape cases with an unknown rapist was fake accusations made so that the victim could get money. If its true that policeofficers think like that maybe that can explain a bit about why almost every case doesnt reatch a court, and even less cases lead to the offender being convicted….

IN Sweden most people know about what happened in the small town called Bjästa. Two young girls reported a guy for rape. He got convicted in both cases. Even though he was found guilty the whole town of Bjästa stood by his side and started hate campaigns towards the girls, wishing them dead, or ”raped for real”.  One of them had to move 500 km to another town to be left alone. Even if Bjästa was a bit extreme its not at all unusal with rape cases ending with the girl having to move from the town she lives in because of all the blame and hate she receives. The pictures is about vitimblaming, for example a girl that people say is lying about rape because she still hang out with boys and wears somewhat revealing clothes.

 

When a rape has occured its standard that rumors start to circulate about the girl who made the report, about how shes a whore, that she cant have been raped beacuse shes not acting lika a ”real victim” or that she just wants the atention. Those rumors are spread by girls as much as by boys who want to misscredit the girls story. Girls jump on this kind of rumors to get acceptance by the boys and also to give them self a fake kind of security that they are to smart to be raped.

When I repordet a sexual crime commited by a teacher was the reaction both in media, on the internet and locally that I was lying to get attention. It was so obvious to them all that i was lying because everyone knows how girls in highschool are… Amongs the students they started a hate campaign against me talking about how I had sex with teatchers to get higher grades. Im not looking for sympathy im only trying to show how normal those things are.

All of this is what rape culture is all about. To be against rape in theory has nothing to do with if rape culure are real or not, its all about how the victims are treated when a rape is reported. In todays society theres a long way to go, to put it mildley. Those men, and women, who still denies the existence of a rape culture  is part in how this can go on. They are almost equally responsible as the ones doing the rape and they should be ashamed. To deny the existence of a rape culture is to kick one the ones allready lying down: The victims of rape.