Etikettarkiv: society

To the ”Alt right” movement: let’s talk about Sweden rape stats.

​Listen up all you ”alt right” people who point at Swedens rape statistics saying Sweden is the no 1 rape country. Let’s talk about the stats and how you guys say Sweden is destroy by a ”rape wave” and in the same time like to spread the myth about women lying about being raped.
Let’s start with the part about women’s false rape accusations. It’s widely spread that about 7-14% of all reported rape cases are false but absurd numbers saying up to 80% of all reported rape cases are false takes it laps around the Internet. The truth is that only 1-1.5% of reported rapes are proven false. The majority of them doesn’t have an named suspect, which is a main reason that they are labeled as false. The typical false reporter of rape is a young girl who says she’s been raped by one or more strangers in a public space. In many of the reported cases that are labels as false there is a suspicion that the victim has been subject to a crime she of some reason doesn’t dare to report. Which means she HAS been victimised in some way, just not raped in the way she reported. (1,2 Swedish sources use Google translate). BRÅ (the Swedish bureau of crime prevention) estimates that there’s about 112 instances of rape being committed in Sweden each day. The majority of these are committed in a relationship but the rapes conducted by an totally unknown or mostly unknown rapist are the ones the victims are most inclined to report, or at least recognise when asked about if they ever been raped. 

When it comes to Sweden as the country with the most rapes in the world and the idea that this is 100% because of immigration: In Sweden about 30% of the population have roots outside of Sweden (Source SCB, Swedens statistical central bureau.). That means that they are either born outside of Sweden or has one or both parents born outside of Sweden. A little more than half of this group  (approx 16% of the populatiom) are males. And about 7% of the population are men with roots outside of Europe. Statistics show that about 25% of Swedish women have been raped at least once in their life. This means that the 7% non European male population  (including 1 yo boys and very old men) really rapes a lot to keep those figures up. The alternative is that European and Swedish white men also take their share in the statistics raping women…

Well. Puting that aside. 25%, or 1 in every 4 women have been raped at some point in their life. That sounds incredible high right? And it is a lot. But not by far the highest numbers in the world. In India the nubers are twice as high as in Sweden. In South Africa 1 in 3 women reported being raped during the last 12 month. Other numbers suggest around 3600 people being raped in SA _every day_. (4) In Kongo reports suggest that somewhere between 80-90% of women older than 13 has been brutally raped as part of the conflicts in the country where rape is used as a weapon. In USA the rape statistics are about the same as in Sweden. A little more than 1 of 4 women reports being raped during their life and about 1 in 5 female college students will have been raped by the time they finished school.  I could go on. Swedens statistics is due to a lot of reasons. For example; Sweden is one of few countries who sees any form of penetration without consent as rape, regardless the sex of the victim and regardless of what is used for the penetration. We also has the exact same rules regarding rape in a marriage as outside of it. Something a lot of countries doesn’t have and rape or violence in a marriage isn’t considered a criminal offence. We also have an ongoing discussion about rape and sexual assaults making women of today mostly aware about the fact that being groped in a festival public or having someone’s fingers pushed up between the legs in a toilet line is illegal. Things that a lot of other societies  (and a lot of men in Sweden) still sees as something natural women just have to deal with and accept as part of being in public spaces. (3) When it comes to reporting rape we have a bit of different way to put in the reports in the statistics, in Sweden every rape is filed once per occurancie AND once per offender. This means that if I get raped 30 times by my partner and file a report every occurance is one ”dot” in the statistics  (ie 30 cases of rape). If a woman is raped by 4 men the statistics will show 4 cases of group rapes. It’s simply very easy to make the wrong conclusions if statistics are evaluated side by side without deeper understandings. But if we are to compare the statistics right off it is actually a good thing that our level of reporting sexual offense and our wide definition of rape is what it is. Sweden may be sticking out in comparison to other countries but it is not necessary a bad thing. 

So, little ”Alt right”:ers, how will it be? Are Sweden the rape capital flooded with a rape wave or do women lie about how often they get assaulted? You know you can’t have both. And in the first case you will have to deal with the fact that Swedish men rape a lot more than you want to think about. 

(1) http://www.expressen.se/gt/falska-valdtaktsanmalningar-ytterst-ovanliga/

(2) https://www.advokaten.se/Tidningsnummer/2008/Nr-4-2008-Argang-74/Felaktiga-forestallningar-om-falska-valdtaktsanmalningar-gor-att-de-mest-utsatta-kvinnorna-sviks/

(3) http://www.metro.se/artikel/här-är-sanningen-bakom-statistiken-för-våldtäktslandet-sverige-xr

(4) https://www.wits.ac.za/news/latest-news/general-news/2015/2015-06/rape-stats-poorly-reflect-reality.html

There is no easy answers to human behaviours.

The ”immigrant critical” and so called ”Sweden friendly” have 3 main issues right now that they try to get into every debate they have. As usual they think the answers is easy and that ayone who says otherveis is stupid. This is standard procedure for those who vote for The Sweden Democrats but in these issues a lot of people across the political landscape believe in easy answers. When we talk about human beings and our behaviours there´s never an easy answer. Human interaction is not an easy subject to analyse. I will give my thoughts on these 3 issues: 1. Make all immigrants that commitet a crime to leave Sweden. 2. Do not allow seperate bath times for women/transpeople and men in public bath houses. 3. Do not allow married minors to live with their husbands.

  1. Make all immigrants who commited crimes in Sweden to leave the country.

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The debate about how immigrants who commits crimes should be banned från Sweden started around christmas. In part started by the journalist Joakim Lamotte who wrote an (mildy put)undifferentiated text on his Facebook wall about 4 young men from northern Africa who cant get banned from Sweden since there is no proof on what country is their original one. Lamotte and a lot of his follower base thought that it doesnt matter if we dont know what country someone is from, they schould get banned anyway. Just send the ”garbage” away and be done with it. If they end up tortured, killed or left of in a country they have no connection with is nothing to take in consideration. Out they go and thats the only thing thats matter.

It´s a short road to easy answers when emotions run high after 4 guys has made an horrific rape, to ask for the guys to be bannes from Sweden no matter the consequences is not hard to do. On the other hand, we are supposed to be an justice safe country (inser ironic laugh) and that means it doesnt work to just kick people out of the contry when we dont know where they came from, or when we know where they from and that they will be tortured or killed if we send them back. In Swedish law we already have room to bann people from Sweden if they commits heavy crimes like rape or murder, if they dont have a swedish citizenship. However, this is restricted by the international human rights which means its not ok to send people to a country where they will be tortured or killed.

To start to overlook the human rights is easy when it comes to people who has done so heavy crimes that people think they have lost their human worth. The problem is that if we start to neglect the human rights or ignore them completley in some matters is it not hard to start to neglect them in other issues too. When we start to ignore the human right to seek asylum and escape from war we are on a dangerous path for all of us. The countrys who has gone furthest to reject the asylum rights is also those who has started to make big restrictions in things like freedom of speach by making demonstrations and protest illigal. Is that the road we want to walk down?

2. Dont allow seperate bathing times.

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This issue has divided more than one feministic group but for most people it seems to have one easy answer: That seperated bathing times is a big step backwards in an society that works for equality and for the islamophobic bunch its an neon sign for the radical islamisation of western societies.

Separated bath-times is not a new invention. A lot of bath houses have had this for ages where 2-3 hours a week has been dedicated to women, and another 2-3 hours for men. There is also dedicated time for light exercise swimming and time where exercise swim is not allowed. No one protest about the exercise swiming times but a lot of people loses their minds when it comes to have seperate bath times based on gender. But, to be correct, the genderbased bath-times has not been a problem before it was labeled as a ”muslim comand”. I believe it was not viewed as an problem earlier bacause 1. people understood why mostly women found it nice to be able to take a swim without men present. 2. There has not been an racist aspekt of the discussion to the subject before. A lot of those who oppose seperated bath-times know the profit from it but just dont want any muslim woman to have an easier time in Sweden.

It is easy to see seperated bath-times as an step back in the equality process, on the other hand we hav´nt made an backward progress in all these years seperated bath-times has existed. We do not live in a perfect society, there are a lot of genderbased problems left and some of them includes men harrasing women or transpeople in public bath houses. No matter how wrong it seems at a first glance that women and transpeople are afraid to bath with men we cant solve it but telling them to suck it up and swim with men anyway. We must be able to work on this issue in more than one way at the same time. It must be possible for women and transpeople to swim without the fear of men and in the same time work so that men will stop harrasing others in the bath-houses.

In my opinion is seperated bath-times an temporary solution so enable women and transpeople who are not allowed, or dont dare to, bathe with men to still have an oportunity to go to the bath-house. This is not an soultion for these problems that can stick forever, but as long as we have an problem with men missbihaving in the bath-houses this is an solution to minimize the symtom of an unequal society.

3. Dont allow married minors to stay with their husbands.  

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With war and unsafe living around the globe the ammount of refugees coming to Sweden has rappidly increased. This also means that more minors (girls) that has been forced into child marriage comes to Sweden. Most of the time they arrive with their (often much older) husbands. Child marriages is nothing we ever should allowe, of course, but how we are supposed to act when married minors enter Sweden is not an easy question.

We know that a normalization process is the main thing when it comes to abusive relationships. Its the same way with child marriages. Those who get married as a child knows thats what is expected of her and her life. After a long time as a refugee, fleeing war and terror and everything else it means, her husband becomes the one she feels safe with. Even if the base of the marriage is forced and the relationships is abusive the normalization process can make the husband the only saftey the gilr has. As humans we can find security and support even in the most horrible situations if it get to become our normal, everyday life.

If the girl and her husband are allowed to live together after they arrive to Sweden we give the girl her security and an opportunity to have an eye on their relationship to see if theres abuse in it. Girls the age of 16-17 living with older partners in Sweden is not that unusual, but most of the times its not forced upon them. This still means that a minor living with an adult partner is not by default an abusive relationship. When it comes to child marriages the incitament for abusive relationships is greater so its an good idea to not let the couple be without supervision. If we force the couple apart the oportunity to see if theres an abusive relationship gets lost, while we increase the risk of the girl going back to her husband the day she turns 18.

To let minors live with their husbands can be a way to help the girl out of an bad relationship on her terms which has a much greater chans of success, instead of acting the way that feels most moraly correct to us.

 

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To summon it up: There is never any easy answers, and we do not win in the political and social fight by pretending that there is.

The disgusting male sexuality

The male sexuality is, to say the least, very well talked about. It is displayed and seen everywhere, often in an heterosexual kontext where the female sexuality is part of the background on the men’s terms. This is often viewed as an privilege amongst feminists, men are allowed to talk about their sexuality while women can not. They can have sex how ever they want it and when ever they want it (but not with everyone they want). They (the men) can more or less command sex and take what they like. I dont agree with the analysis that this is a privilige for men, the standard view on male sexuality is negative and harms men and in the end women and it inflicts on how we view non heterosexual sexuality.

The male sexuality is portrayed in movies, media, books and the everyday speach a lot. The problem is not that we talk about it but how it is talked about. There are two roads the discussion can go down, and over it all lays ”control” and ”always wanting sex” as a wet blanket, and now and then these two roads meet.
Road 1: The male sexuality is something to laugh about. The men often get to be portrayed as pathetic slaves under their own sexuality. This view is in almost every kind of comedy film Hollywood has created. From American pie and Superbad to Get him to the greek and All about Mary.
Road 2: As disgusting, as something that is suppose to make us feel a tiny bit uncomfortable or disgusted. This is usually made by portraying men as predators and the ones doing sexual crimes in some way. It can also be crossed with the ”humourus” part and seen as discusting but still something to laugh about.

A lot of the invectives used to degrade men and their sexuality alludes on how men don’t have the controll over sex. ”Pussy whipped” is an expression that means that a man is caring ”too much” about his partner and that the reason for it is sex. The man is supposed to have the sexual control, its the most important part, and it also affect how non heterosexual relations is viewed. How many living in a homosexual relationship has gotten the question who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship, for example? A question that is build on the thought that someone must be the ”man” and have the sexual control and that the other has to be the ”woman” and be dominated.

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Male sexuality control is often given an violent touch. In movies, and also in porn, the male dominance via BDSM is seen as a norm. To physically hold a woman down, keep her controlled, pull her hair violently and so on to show dominance is just how sex is ”supposed” to be. If a man doesn’t like that kind of sex at all he is called a whimp and dork. Men is supposed to always wanting sex, to always be in and wanting control. If he of some reason don’t want sex and are not in control it is seen as a failure, and even if he gets raped it’s not seen as a crime, but as him not living up to the masculine standard. Take the movie ”Get him to the Greek” that i mentioned before. In the movie the main character gets raped by a girl during a party. But it’s not a scene where the viewer is made to feel sorry or emphaty with the victim, instead it’s made for the audience to laugh at the situation. We are not supposed to feel sorry for a man geting raped, we are supposed to laugh at the pathetic man that can’t control the situation and that don’t want sex with the girl since he has another girlfriend.

When male sexuality is portrayed as disgusting, dangerous or something to laugh about it is ofcourse affecting the way we see female sexuality. Women should be everything men are thought of not to be. Wich means they should be calm, level-headed and most important having their sexuality in control. Beause the male sexuality in the ground is seen as disgusting women should not want to have sex with a man. Instead men are supposed to ”hunt” for sex with a woman and then get the oportunity to boast about how they made it. The whole talk about how men ”conquer” women comes from the myth that good women don’t want to have sex with men but that they do it for the man if he acts the right way. A Swedish politician symbolizes this well when he talkes about feminism and women who have an active sexlife.

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The caption goes: ”The ”female liberation” of today (The whoreification) is an abomination in mother earth’s eyes. It is only aiming to legitimizing a whore behaviour where women drinks liquor like men, whore around like men and god forbids can kill little babies because it’s ”the wrong time right now” etc. Those bitches deservs to have been aborted them selves”

To be a woman and act ”like a man” is disgusting and an abomination. How can it be? Because of the opinion that men have a disgusting sexuality. We get to learn from childhood that females have a sexuality that is a secret, something beautiful that has to be kept secured. Boys on the other hand get to learn that their sexuality is something they can’t control, that it is disgusting but it’s nothing to do about it. They get to learn that their female classmates has to adapt to them, dress not to provoce them and that they (the girls) have to ”be careful” around the boys because the boys sexuality is dangerous and agressive and the girls sexuality is worth protecting.

The same opinions comes again when boys at the age of 14-15-16 who have sex with 15-20 year older women is seen as heroes. That their sexuality should be protected and allowed to slowly evolve with someone of the same age is nothing anyone seem to care about. A girl in the age of 14-16 who have sex with a guy thats 30+ is not seen as a heroine, but as someone in need of help that is abused by an older creep. Because no matter what age the boy is in it’s part of his sexuality to always be in control with power and never being able to be the victim of abuse in sexual situations.

All of this is as society is asking for rapes to happen. If men are learned that heir sexuality don’t deserve respect, how are they supposed to respect others? If they get to learn that sex is something they have to nag to get, how are they supposed to easily know when they pass the line and the sex is an violation even if the girl says yes? But most of all, how are men supposed to respect women who are sexually liberated just as they are if they at the same time think that being sexually free is also to be disgusting and dangerous? It can’t work and that’s why we see a lot of slut shaming and the opinion that a woman that have had a lot of sex with different guys can’t get raped. Because with ”male labled sexuality” the position to be able to be a victim disapears. The fact is that there’s even cases where men who have raped feels that they made the victim a favour. Those men think that since their sexuality is so disgusting (and that they as a whole is disgusting) theres no way for a woman to have a good sexual relationship with them. So by raping her the men feel they have ”protected” her sexuality since she can say that it was not consensual.

What we need is of course that the female sexuality can be shown more in society, but also to not talk less about male sexuality but to talk about it in a better way. We need to talk more about relationships and respect as a whole. We need to see men being lifted as beutiful, soft and sensual in their sexuality. Something that today gets labled as ”gay” directly since only men are thought to be able to enjoy the male body. My point with this text is that if we want men to respect their own sexuality, female sexuality or any kind of sexuality, we can not go on and teach them to feel self loathing becaus of their sexuality. We must therfore start with the men’s self confidence about sex and sexuality before we can expect them to change the view on female sexuality.

I want to end this text by showing a picture by the artist David Kawena. A person who succeedes with showing men as both soft, sensual and powerful at the same time. Male bodys and sexuality has to be portrayed like this more often. Men also deserves to be desired.

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We live in a rape culture

Im starting the new year writing a lot about sexual crimes, some may find it a bit annoying but hey, deal with it! This is a subject we can never discuss to much. And its also good to write about this when so many men for once care about the safety of women. Even if most of them only seem to care about blaming others its still a start and we do have to start somewhere…

Something most of us women are fully aware of byt men try to deny is the fact that we live in a rape culture. That almost every man if asked directly will dissociate himself from any kind of rape or sexual assault is pointed out as an evidence that rape is in no way accepted and that a rape culture does not excist. If we do accept this way of argueing I feel that i have to point out that no rape culture excist in countries like India, Afghanistan, Eritrea, Sudan etc either. Because even in those countries rape is viewd as a despicable thing and in some of this countires rape is punished with a lifetime in prison or public flogging. The thing about a rape cultur is not the societeys theoretical view on rape but how they treat those who report that they have been raped, and in what is actually seen as a rapecase.

It is to no help at all to hate rape, and in the meantime have the opinion that women who acts is certain ways, dress in certain ways or have the ”wrong” people around them cant be raped and only gets what they deserv. Another problem is the opinion that rape cant be performed in a romantic relationship. The opinions that women have their selfe to blame if they are raped becaus of how they acted earlier during the day/night, or because of their clothes are something thats deeply embedded in the Swedish and western culture. It can be seen in the way people react to reported rapes, in jokes and of course in how the courts reason when they choose not to sentence a man for rape even when all evidence show that they should.

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The comments read, from the top: 1. Its not rape if you are sleeping since you dont fight back and are considered willing to have sex. Stop the whining. 2. Its a ”Suprise Buttsex” so its not rape since te person didnt say yas or no. 3. BTDT, If you have been a couple for a while its common that it is ok to ”hit it” while the other is asleep, ye know, as long as you tell why its leaking out the ass in the morning. 4. Why cant all biter pussys and womens rights activists shut up and start maturbate to Mona Sahlin (Swedish feminist) instead?! This is love on a high lever cant you tell? 5. If she is lying half naked beside him, how in hell can it be rape then? 6. Lets say this was a real event and not a cartoon picture, if the girl did wanted to be wakened this way its not rape right? So to call this a rape only shows how damn stupid you are.

What do you tink, will these normal swedish guys get where the line for rape goes in a relationship if they think that kind of behaviour is all right? If they believe that someone who has fallen asleep beside them automatically have given concent to sex? No, i think not. This is not a unusal way to look at sex in a relationship and that women have some kind of duty to have sex for the ”better good of the relationship” is an opinion that is widely spread. Sex against someones will is always rape, yet professionals in the health care system still give women the advice to suck it up and have sex even if they dont want to so that their partner can get what he wants.

If we look at how courts get to give a verdict of not guilty its almost magical in the ways the courts bend over backwards to fins a way to free a man from rape. Even if the woman have said no, yelled so much she lost her voice about how she dont want to have sex or repeatedly trying to get away from the situation the court can still find a way to deem the guy not guilty. Offen with explanations about how the guy didnt understand the no, thought it was a game or part of BDSM or whats in Sweden is called ”nagging sex”, not rape. The pictures shows some eamples of headlines from articles about rape cases.

First one reads: ”13 year old should have made more recistance”- 16 year old get free from rape accusation after having forced a 13 year old girl to have anal sex. She did want to have sex, just not anal sex and therefor should have been able to make the boy stop…

Second one: 16 year old freed from accusations of rape. The girl got shot by a soft airgun and forced to have sex. ”They where all in on the game” the court explains…

Third: ”He thought No meant Yes. Sentenced not guilty of rape”

Last one: ”The girl tried to out on her clothes and get away. ”She might have said no but that doesnt mean its rape” says the judge. ”The sex might have been against her will but if they didnt put her in a helpless state its not rape”

 

Nice isnt it? This is a big part of the rape culture. The last part is the attitude towards the victims. Something that is everyday life when it comes to rape in Sweden is to blame the victim. In this we also have things like ”well meaning” advice from the police to women to not drink, think about what they weare or not even go alone by taxi in the night. In the same time no advice is given to men in how not to rape…. In the summer a lot of rapes is blamed on the alcohol consumtion on festivals and bars. Women are frequently asked to think about how much they drink and to not end up as the only girl at an afterparty. No one tells te men to lessen te risk of rape by take it easy on the alcohol and not end up at an afterparty whit a lonely girl. No one tells the guys what to do because in a rape culture the women are expected to take responsibility for the mens sexuality. It offen get explained by the fact that it is the girl who get hurt so its in her interest to not get raped, like men dont have an interest in not hurting another human being….

That rape is viewed upon witch such discust is paradoxically abog part to why the rape culture excist. For once the view of rape as the most horrific crime makes it a valid treath towars women and a perfect way to punish someone or show power but putting them thru ”the worst crime”. The threath of sexual violence is something all women have had to learn to deal with in the everyday life, and it starts by learning as a kid that being raped is the worst thing that can happen and that we have to be aware of the risks. Second the view of rape as even worse than murder makes it mor or less impossible for anyone to admit that someone they know and love can be a rapist, or that themself have raped someone. Its so much easier to blame the victim than to accept that a friend, brother, lover or anyone else in their surroundings has commitet the wors crime. Because of that the myth about women accusing innocent guys of rape is spread everywhere. On a right wunged extremist site they claimed that a anonymous police had said that 8 out of 10 rape cases with an unknown rapist was fake accusations made so that the victim could get money. If its true that policeofficers think like that maybe that can explain a bit about why almost every case doesnt reatch a court, and even less cases lead to the offender being convicted….

IN Sweden most people know about what happened in the small town called Bjästa. Two young girls reported a guy for rape. He got convicted in both cases. Even though he was found guilty the whole town of Bjästa stood by his side and started hate campaigns towards the girls, wishing them dead, or ”raped for real”.  One of them had to move 500 km to another town to be left alone. Even if Bjästa was a bit extreme its not at all unusal with rape cases ending with the girl having to move from the town she lives in because of all the blame and hate she receives. The pictures is about vitimblaming, for example a girl that people say is lying about rape because she still hang out with boys and wears somewhat revealing clothes.

 

When a rape has occured its standard that rumors start to circulate about the girl who made the report, about how shes a whore, that she cant have been raped beacuse shes not acting lika a ”real victim” or that she just wants the atention. Those rumors are spread by girls as much as by boys who want to misscredit the girls story. Girls jump on this kind of rumors to get acceptance by the boys and also to give them self a fake kind of security that they are to smart to be raped.

When I repordet a sexual crime commited by a teacher was the reaction both in media, on the internet and locally that I was lying to get attention. It was so obvious to them all that i was lying because everyone knows how girls in highschool are… Amongs the students they started a hate campaign against me talking about how I had sex with teatchers to get higher grades. Im not looking for sympathy im only trying to show how normal those things are.

All of this is what rape culture is all about. To be against rape in theory has nothing to do with if rape culure are real or not, its all about how the victims are treated when a rape is reported. In todays society theres a long way to go, to put it mildley. Those men, and women, who still denies the existence of a rape culture  is part in how this can go on. They are almost equally responsible as the ones doing the rape and they should be ashamed. To deny the existence of a rape culture is to kick one the ones allready lying down: The victims of rape.

In the land of inbetween.

To live ”Inbetween” is nothing new but its not offen talked about in Sweden. Thats why i will start the new year of 2016 to write about this. The ”inbetweenship” is what a lot of us adoptees but also children to immigrants has to deal with.

The inbetweenships is about expectations from the society that we are suppose to be part of a culture people _think_ we belong when they see our exterior (african culture, south american culture etc), but in the meantime we are expected to be fully intergrated with the community we live in. The first part make us exkluded from the second part. We are viewed upon as not belonging in Sweden, that we are not ”real swedes” or that we dont have a given place in Sweden, but since we have lived in Sweden and know only the Swedish culture we dont fit in if we should go back to the country where we have our roots. Going back where we, or our parents, was born we are acting, and are treated, like common turists.

As an adoptee the inbetweenship can become extra  visible. Where immigrants and their children can find support and community with each other the adoptee stands alone. We who are adopted offen grow up in an almost white surroundng, missing out on the chance to interact with people we can mirror ourselves in. The representation in media is also extremley white which gives us few oportunities to find characters in movies, TV or books to relate to. To talkt about this as an adoptee is hard, we are expected to not have an need to see children from around the world on tv, or to be able to fins non stereotypical characters fom the countrys we where born in, in the childrens book we are reading. To talk about such topics, about the fact that you dont feel fully att home in the country is a huge risk to take, one easily get pointed out as whiney, egocentrical and ungrateful for complaining.

 

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If your adopted you should only be grateful to be here, to not feel at home because of the racist society is seen as accusations towards those who has adopted. Because of this a lot of adoptees keep silent about how they feel inbetween cultures. Searching for roots to try to find some kind of belonging is a big step to make for an adoptee. Will the adoptive parents think that the adoptee dont like them any more? What will happen if the biological parents are found? Its not unusal that adoptees searching their roots are called backwards going and silly. ”DNA is not everything”, ”Why is what you have enough?” – Thats how it can sound, or worse. If you on top of this also are chritical to how international adoption is performed, or the fact that a lot of adoptees end up in between cultures, than it can really make people go into a spin of pure hatred that you are not grateful enough. We are supposed to be happy and grateful, anything else is wrong and we have only our self to blame if we are not happy with the way society treats us.

To talk about this ”inbetweenship”, especially for adoptees, is also important if we are going to have an understanding for what happens when adoptees, or other, is trying to find an identity in this society. Lately i have seen people of color who have an secure identity in their culture laugh at and make fun of  adoptees and others who try to find where they belong. They are accused of ”faking it”, trying to seem exposed, or in some cases being accused of not being a victim of racism at all since they are not been growing up in the ”hood”. (The hood in Sweden is suburbs to the bigger cities lika Stockholm and Gothenburg with a high population of immigrants)  This fixation of being from ”the hood” have made people romanticize living in the hood. To be from the hood is seen as a evidence that you are ”racialized for real” and suddenly we who are adopted find ourselves once again out in the cold. Most of us who are adopted are not from the hood, many of us have never lived there, but that does not mean that we dont have to face racism, or that we are not racialized. Besides, ”the hood” is something that excist in one way or another in all cities in Sweden, and I can tell you when i grew up I was jealous of those who grew up in Stockholm for example, because they got something i didnt: Somewhere they belonged.

When people who didnt grew up in the hood, but who are racialized, is trying to mimic cultural expressions created in the hood they are trying to find somewhere they can fit in. its not about trying to fake it. Its about finding a place where you are accepted for who you are, where you can see yourself in the people around you and talk to people who allso know about the racism you meet. Guess if it hurts when this search is met with mockery and exclusion? The inbetweenship make us who are stuck between cultures to walt a thin line all the time. If we seek to much acceptance and community white the white population theres a huge risk of internalisize racism and start turning against other people of color. If we try to reenforce our cultural heritage from the coutry we or our parents was born the risk is instead that we make western mistakes, or get accused of faking our roots. No matter what we do we cant make the right thing and get forced back to living between cultures in the lack of a place to fit in.

By talking more about this we who experience being in between can start finding our own comunity with each other, rather than with those who has the privilige of never having to doubt where they belong. Theres not only problem with the mockery of thos who live between cultures, but also a witch hunt on what is called ”identity politics”(idpol for short). Idpol has an important place in the political discussion, not always but often. Its easy for those wo never have experienced a lack of belonging to say that identity is not important, but for those who has never had the chance to fully belong identity matter, and for all of us (even with a strong identity and belonging) that again and again has to hear that our identity is not good enough for this society identiy gets even more important. Its about reclaiming who we are, to belong and to be able to say ”This is who I am and this is where i belong!”

lost

 

To be inbetween is a constan nagging feeling of being lost. To look for your home but never finding it. Its door being closed in your face over and over againg and in the samte time when you try to talk about it having people telling you its not happening, that this is where you supposed to be. To live inbetween is a long line of contradictions and its not easy to get past, but if we start talking about it some more, maybe a few of us get a chance to find their way.